Often times, we see pregnancy depicted as this beautiful thing. A soon to be mother glowing at her finest, ready to give birth to another life that will love her more than she loves herself. All while having a wonderful man to support her throughout the entire process. Yet some women fail to realize the hardships that may or may not present itself with their own pregnancy…
She found out she was expecting Sunday, September 16th. Besides the fact of feeling mortified and completely scared shitless, there was a bit of excitement hidden behind the fear. Excitement she had another chance to become a mother. To experience loving someone more than loving herself. To experience what it means to have a mini you loving you while looking up to you to set the perfect example.
Her mortification soon turned into sheer bliss. But there was still fear of how the father would react. They weren’t married, let alone in a relationship. Just talking or dating or whatever you call the millennial stages before maybe one day possibly ending up in a relationship. Scared to tell him, she knew his reaction wouldn’t be as rational, but she had to say it.
As expected, abortion abortion abortion is all she heard from him. Standing firm to her belief, she simply said no. Abortion was not an option, not again! He went back and forth on the idea of becoming a father. But she couldn’t blame him, he was just as scared as her, if not more. But she knew he’d be on board once he held his son or daughter…
She scheduled her first appointment for September 26th, 10 days after she found out she was expecting. Though, the appointment didn’t go as anticipated. Her doctor told her she could not find a heartbeat. The good news was, there was a pregnancy in the uterus, but she had to wait another week to see. The doctor didn’t seem too hopeful though, so why should she? She left the appointment with weary thoughts, feeling sorrowful and not knowing what to expect next.
A week later, October 2nd she went to a hospital with the father, fearing she might be miscarrying. Unexplained vaginal bleeding made her fear the worse. She took tests and had another ultrasound performed on her. After four long and agonizing hours, the doctor came back with the results. Once again hearing news she did not want to hear.
She measured 7 weeks and 2 days, but there was still no heartbeat. The new doctor called it a missed abortion or silent miscarriage, whatever name you prefer. The body doesn’t recognize the fetus is no longer forming or has stopped forming. The father asked is there any chance a heartbeat could startup? The doctor answered saying there’s a slight chance, but with how far along she is now, it’s most likely a failed pregnancy…
They don’t prepare you for news like that. When I say “they” I’m referring to health professionals or even teachers. No one prepares you for the amount of questions you’ll have or maybe the guilt you might feel. We know a woman’s body can hold life, but we now know it can also hold the death of an unborn fetus or baby. A fetus that never got the chance to grow up, experience life or make decisions of their own.
Miscarriages, which can be silent happen to so many women around the world. She just didn’t realize she’d become a statistic as well. The loss of a pregnancy or infant hurts the mother emotionally in many cases. Ironically enough, she was notified about her silent miscarriage in October. October is the month of pregnancy and infant loss awareness. Ronald Regan declared on October 25, 1988, October would be the month to remember the little ones who never had a chance. A month dedicated to the ones we will always remember in our hearts.
Please take the time to remember an infant gone too soon or the neighbor or friend you know who has experienced a miscarriage.
This month is for them 💕