My Current Mental Health

We’re in an era where mental health is becoming widely accepted and as it rightful should. Back in college, I ignored all the signs of my mental health! The excessive amount of drinking I’d do, using sex as an escape combined with the trouble I’d get into with the law… The confusion about myself, impulsivity and emotional instability had become a bit outlandish! A friend of mine finally sat me down and suggested I seek therapy. Realizing my life was out of control, I decided it couldn’t hurt to try.

I saw an amazing therapist at my university whom I felt very comfortable opening up to. After each session, I felt a little better about my life overall. It was like I had a personal life coach trying to understand my thinking patterns and help me discover myself. I saw her for about a month before my best friend was murdered. Someone I was with just hours before was gone, just like that. Death takes an enormous toll on one’s mental health, especially when you don’t see it coming! Dealing with his death was not easy for me. I eventually stopped going to my sessions and returning my therapist calls. I fell off the wagon drowning in my sorrows….

Til this day, I regret not continuing to see my therapist throughout the mourning of my best friends death. That was almost a year & a half ago. I regret abruptly ignoring her calls. I thought I could deal with everything myself: the pain, the confusion, the hurt, not realizing I’d just lose myself even more. Looking back, things would be different if I continued seeing her. I’ve made a lot of rash and stupid decisions since then. And I’m probably gonna make a lot more as that’s life! But realizing there may be a continuing problem with my mental health is a big step for me. One I’m more than happy to admit to you all because it’s somewhat easier…

The fact I’m able to write this is the first step. I accept the past and want to work on my future. I’ve thought about seeking another therapist, but I do have my doubts. First off, it’s not free! Sadly I don’t have the luxury of using my tuition towards seeking mental health anymore. Many times, I feel like this is something I can learn to deal with myself. Other times, I think I need to talk to another human being. In the meantime, I know I can deal with it myself as long as I do my research and put in the effort. It’s all about training your mind & understanding it right?

Right now I’m still trying to understand myself and what it is I battle with. I hope to one day fully understand myself and what it is I go through. Please keep me in your prayers. Feel free to leave feedback on dealing with your mental health alone. Do you suggest therapy?

xoxo

B

Photo creds: Unsplash

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24 | iWrite | Independent | Soul Searcher | Astrology Weirdo-Gemini ✨

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